50 Reasons why I won’t date you

Ladies! Here are 50 reasons why I won’t date you. If you don’t know me well and/or can’t take a joke please scroll down the list and start with reason #50.

I will not date you if….

1.   You’re a dishonest person.

2.   You weren’t born a woman.

3.   You are 5 or more years older than me. (Few exceptions)

4.   You are 10 or more years younger than me. (Many many exceptions)

5.   You can dunk a basketball.

6.   I have to bend over more than 45 degrees to kiss you.

7.   I have to look up to kiss you.

8.   I can’t pick you up.

9.   You can pick me up with ease.

10. You have a tramp stamp.

11. You can outrun me in the 100 meter dash.

12. You have very broad shoulders.

13. You are a professional swimmer. (See Reason #12).

14. You haven’t been to the dentist in over a year.

15. You’re disgusted by sushi, but are ok with eating fast food chicken nuggets.

16. You like to spend money you don’t have.

17. You shave off your eyebrows then color them back in.

18. You overuse cliches. (Example: ‘Everything happens for a reason’)

19. You have an annoying laugh.

20. You have to watch ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ every week.

21. After we work out together your B.O. is worse than my B.O.

22. You break spaghetti in half before you cook it.

23. You can eat more than I can. (Very difficult to do though)

24. After our first date you’re already willing to take your clothes off. (I may not tell you about this rule until the next morning though)

25. You’re into threesomes. (Again, I may not tell you about this rule until the next morning)

26. You can’t handle the fact that I have close female friends who are very attractive and who I may hang out with from time to time.

27. You think the ‘Twilight’ books and movies are good.

28. You wear colored contact lenses.

29. You smoke……..anything.

30. Your zodiac sign is ‘Gemini’.

31. You’re incapable of apologizing.

32. You say ‘uncapable’ when you mean ‘incapable’.

33. You think Coke is better than Pepsi.

34. Your idea of a diet is ordering a diet soda with your 2,000 calorie 3-piece fried chicken meal.

35. You think Dane Cook is funny.

36. You think I’m not funny.

37. You try too hard.

38. You don’t know how to make microwave popcorn.

39. You get off from work at the same time I leave to go to work.

40. You have a hard time accepting compliments.

41. If having flowers sent to your job for no reason bothers you. (I do that kind of thing)

42. You think you’re better than me.

43. You have more hair on your arms than I have on my legs.

44. You have less hair on your head than I have on my head.

45. You have A.B.S.  (See blog ‘Friday’s Distractions’ for definition of A.B.S.)

46. You were born and raised in England, but don’t speak with a British accent.

47. You were born and raised in Australia, but don’t speak with an Australian accent.

48. You were born and raised in Eastern Europe and still have your accent.

49. You work at Walmart. (Target is ok)

50. You don’t understand that half of this list is just me being funny.

P.S. This list will grow


About this entry